There’s this person who happens to put me down a lot. “Oooh, why are you doing your eyebrows like that?” “What’s wrong with your hair? I hear gray hair is a sign of some serious disease,” and on and on. Those comments were mostly about my appearance and the comments even extend to how I do things as well. It’s beyond petty so I brush it off but at the heart of it all, it makes me wonder why everything that comes out of this person’s mouth towards me was always something critical and negative.
Have you read “Landmines In The Path Of The Believer” by Charles F. Stanley? I had this book sitting in my bookshelf for quite a looong time, read it and had forgotten most of its content but yesterday, I decided to pick it up again and skim through the book and drawn to the section about Jealousy. It had the story of Joseph who was being envied by his brothers and rightly so, he was a braggart and flaunted what he had to his brothers and what he dreamt actually came true which made his brothers even more jealous of him. Of course God had to deal with Joseph to change his attitude tremendously, but besides that, what caught my attention was the part where the book talks about being the receiving end of jealousy. Am I being delusional about someone being jealous of me? I wanted to understand what would prompt one to act very critical towards me. An underlying cause of a person being critical towards someone is jealousy and envy. Okay, but still I ask… why would this person be actually jealous of me?
Here’s the thing. I’m literally the least in my family. I’m the only person who does not have a college degree. Does that bother me at all? Not one bit! I do know that the path I treaded was at some point disappointing to my parents because they saw “wasted” potential. Do I wonder what I could have been? Sure! Do I regret not going to college? Unabashedly no. I have asked the question countless times, “Why out of everyone in the family would God choose to save me?” The answer I got was it is because I am considered the least in my family that God chose to save me. By the world’s standards, I am definitely one of those who are “foolish” since I don’t have a paper that proves I have gone through a considerable amount of training to be knowledgeable about something, according to 1 Corinthians 1:27,
“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”
How comforting that truly is! As I dwell on that, it is amazing and gives me a tremendous boost in morale why God would choose a ‘nothing’ like myself to shame the wise or those who think they are wise anyway. Now I don’t know exactly how I play into God’s plan in that manner but it’s truly awesome to know that the Creator of ALL things who KNOWS ALL things do not operate and have a completely different standard from the world. If one dwells on this very fact, you think that would lead to clinical depression? On the contrary! There are times I do get depressed but assuredly this is NOT one of the reasons.
I’m not here on earth to try to get a pat on the back with my achievements, titles and whatever people think validates them. The truth is, if there is something I’m good at, whatever that may be, it is because God equipped me with it. My very existence even as I speak is a testimony of God’s mercy and my inadequacy becomes a platform to show that there is no such thing as a waste with God. As to what God would make of me besides being a wife and a mother still remains a mystery. Maybe that’s all I’ll ever be and I’m okay with that but one thing I do know, all Christians are to be conformed to the likeness of Jesus Christ and in this, we are in a level playing field.
To the person I am speaking of, you know who you are and I don’t know if you will ever get to read this but… I can assure you, there’s no need to act that way since honestly, there’s really nothing to be jealous of. I’m perfectly content where I’m at and even if you think you’re better than me, I am not threatened by what you think. Does that bother you? If it does, I urge you to ask God to help you deal with that.
That’s a good book you referenced; I have it myself.
Yeah. It sure is. Another good one of his is called When The Enemy Strikes.
I enjoy him a lot. Will be a sad day when he is gone. It’s amazing how he keeps going.
My thoughts exactly. I love his simple approach on things. God used that man greatly, his messages when I first became a Christian.
I love his phrase..”okay, now listen!”
I did the same as well; he was one of the first people I listened to besides my own pastor. Him and Adrian Rogers.
Haha. Yeah. Adrian Rogers… Another man that preaches with authority… I actually have those two listed on my resources.
The first time I heard Adrian Rogers was on the radio. What a voice! When I found his church was in Memphis, I got excited and wanted to go see, because that’s only a couple of hours away.
Then everybody told me he was already with his Father in Heaven.
What a bummer.
Yeah. I believe he died in 2005. Sad all the good ones are going, but his archives live on and they are good now even as they were before. Same goes for David Wilkerson.
Him I have not actually ever read or listened to; perhaps I should.
Yep.
“it makes me wonder why everything that comes out of this person’s mouth towards me was always something critical and negative.”
What you said is a clear and present demonic activity in your life, an attack through this individual to make you feel bitter towards God.
You know I never really even thought of that?
I have a different take on the matter. In recent times we humans are trained by modern churches to believe that everything that is a critique comes from jealousy, causing us to actually judge or presume to know what the person critiquing is actually thinking and where they are coming from. Sometimes the critique is actually to help us be aware of something that might look ridiculous and you would have wished that someone actually told you but nobody would dare because they were afraid what you might think of them. Example: quite often in my neighborhood we see 47-year-old women up to 70 years old wearing teenage clothing, which makes him look utterly ridiculous, and wearing tight shirts with the stomach showing but huge love handles coming out from the side, and there happens to be female friends around me that from their Own mouth they utter: ” why doesn’t somebody tell that lady something, the poor woman probably does not realize how ridiculous she looks “. No the example doesn’t have to be so extreme but it is important to see how this might come off by the Hearer as Jealousy or somebody Criticizing just to put the person down…when in fact….they are attempting to help by pointing out the obvious in hopes that she too will get the impression people are noticing that she looks ridiculous…it is a warning of sorts that cannot always be said any nicer. Proverbs 27:6 puts it this way: better are the wounds of a friend, than the kisses of an enemy…a very Trustworthy saying and the situation should be examined and perhaps the person confronted to find out what was their intent.
I trust that if something was wrong with my appearance, my husband would be the first one to tell me. For instance yesterday, he had on a jacket with patterns I didn’t like and I told him about that. We have that kind of arrangement in the house. He once told me to never wear my green shoes since it made me look like a leprechaun according to him. Lol.
The whole critiqueing thing extends to other things as well which I did not expound on this post. I’m open to criticism but if it’s about every single thing that I do from the way I think to the way I make things, and my children are not shy in letting me know if I made something inedible, they’ll be the ones to eat it. I think I’m within reason to think that this person is not being critical in a way to help me out like you mentioned about someone having the guts to tell some woman in a get-up that is not age appropriate, but rather to bring me down.
The book I referred in my post mentions jealousy/envy to be a probable cause. It makes sense to me and this post is my way of explaining that if that is the reason, there is nothing that should make that person feel that way because I’m not looking to compete.